my dark

i’ve tried rolling with my instinct

i’ve followed a prudent plan

cutting myself slack to testing my own limits

i have done everything i can

 

walks, music, reading, writing

i’ve been assertive i’ve been too nice

i’ve journaled and hung out with friends

you name it, i’ve done it twice

 

a happy, strong, hopeful, social butterfly

standards so heavy my shoulder is bruised

i am hopeless, and hurt; i feel weak and lonely

are phrases i’ve never used

 

so tonight, i break down because i cannot hold up

i am tired of being so brave

the freedom to fail remains a privilege

if i could, i would cave

 

i would collapse into loving arms

i am dying to bend my knee

loved for my high spirit

will i be accepted for my vulnerability

 

will someone hold me in my sorrows

will someone see beyond the cheer

with my eloquence when i describe my dark

will they still wanna hear?

 

i don’t know the answer

so i cocoon inside books

i take shelter in stories

i dip my soul in brooks

 

i try rolling with my instinct

then i follow a prudent plan

from cutting myself slack to testing my own limits

suddenly i’m back to where i began

-maithili