my dark

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 my dark

I’ve tried rolling with my instinct

I’ve followed a prudent plan

cutting myself slack to testing my own limits

I have done everything i can

 

walks, music, reading, writing

I’ve been assertive I’ve been too nice

I’ve journaled and hung out with friends

you name it, I’ve done it twice

 

a happy, strong, hopeful, social butterfly

standards so heavy my shoulder is bruised

I am hopeless, and hurt; I feel weak and lonely

are phrases I’ve never used

 

so tonight, I break down because I cannot hold up

I am tired of being so brave

the freedom to fail remains a privilege

if I could, I would cave

 

I would collapse into loving arms

I am dying to bend my knee

loved for my high spirit

will I be accepted for my vulnerability

 

will someone hold me in my sorrows

will someone see beyond the cheer

with my eloquence when I describe my dark

will they still wanna hear?

 

I don’t know the answer

so I cocoon inside books

I take shelter in stories

I dip my soul in brooks

 

I try rolling with my instinct

then I follow a prudent plan

from cutting myself slack to testing my own limits

suddenly I’m back to where i began

-maithili

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