Magical Mess

Two families  Delhi hits home But Peterborough itself isn’t foreign land Mumma makes the best food But Himanshu feeds me with his hand Dad makes sure nothing disturbs my sleep But Meraj wakes me up with kisses Dad fulfills all my needs But Meraj, my unreasonable wishes Namrata’s, “I’ll miss you again” was as genuine As Apurva’s, “I’m glad you’re back” Mumma thinks I’m outstanding But Eesha makes me stand out by getting everyone else to wear black Namrata Riya organized a party for me But Eesha left one because I couldn’t go Namrata hears about my struggles without judgement But Apurva struggles with me in the snow Those stupid sibling fights with Jai have my heart But Aashay isn’t any less than an annoying elder brother Dramatically clinging to Riya is fun But Shaunak’s hugs are like no other Meraj gets me beautiful red roses And my Mumma, always lilies I’m not sure what is that you’re proud of But my flex is having two families -Maithili

  Tired eyes always look for home Like an infinity pool, brimming, her mind for exploration She set her sails for Russia, Greece, and Rome Climbing on trees, running barefoot to a frazzle She sighs, “Tired eyes always look for home” She sniffs the oldest thing in her brand new room Thinks to herself, society’s idea of success is a trap She spent all her savings on this challenging career Now she is saving up to lay her head in mum’s lap No expensive perfume is a sexy as a familiar scent Nothing as medicinal as having someone when you’re alone Her comfort seeks new ventures But her tired eyes always look for home -Maithili

 Let me pretend Let me pretend that distance untangles my mess Let me believe that I'm not responsible For my brother's sense of helplessness I am in pain, but let me not confess   Let me act like my mind is present here Let me believe that my thoughts don't wander To my wobbly roots and its ensuing fear I am screaming, but let them not hear   Let me pretend my family isn't falling apart Let me believe that my parents aren't a toxic couple When they routinely break each other's heart Tears can narrate a story, but don't let them start -Maithili

 Get in or not The doors are open, there’s limited space Handful of trouble, a tad of solace The cars are bolting, it’s not a race Get in or not   Slower but scenic, her route is clear Following the crowd, her only fear Love street ahead, your stop is near Get in or not   Forever is a myth, binaries are fake Grey is her mind and worst mistake Red light of dejection, she’ll hit the break Get in or not   If you care and your values align You don’t have to tag her till the finish line You could be a friend, for some time Get in or not   Are your doubts bigger or your faith greater Impulsive heart, a deal-breaker Swerve to the left, without an indicator Get in or not   Headed down the same path today Change your mind, hear the announcement say Transfer to route 9 Lansdowne at the parkway Get in or not   She’ll stride, with you or without The bus is a metaphor for her heart putout You know ther...

You're there and I'm not  You’re abroad, seas apart, but you know I’ll sail across all oceans if the flight is too expensive Mommy’s always patting your back, so baby don’t be pensive. Your might is my pride honey, my shoulders broad and chin up because I know you’re going to make it Don’t you bend your knee to the hurdle, if you can’t leap over then break it   I’m peeking through your window like sunshine, my baby flower Stumble, fall, but get up, don’t you give in after we’ve come so far I see you screaming against the waves of failure and the wind of frustration Honey, I want to see you march another mile and pierce through the brunt of isolation   Tie your pony tail high today, wear your tears like your favourite dress Mommy’s the muse of your thoughts babe, mommy’s there in your restlessness You may wash off all the inhibitions and apprehensions that no longer serve My girl, don’t you heed those who disparage you for your nerve   T...

 Outsider I knew exactly what to say The tone, the expression that would slay I bolted through every outcome in 5 seconds But I was at work and decided, "Not Today!" But then I scanned the room To bump into one person with whom I could get his hate out my system And take but one step away from gloom Couldn't, I let his racism win My shoes began the aimless spin Couldn't spot one co-worker Without noticing the colour of their skin I let the What ifs catch me What if they think the same thoughts as he What if they give me a hug Because they pity the girl from across the sea Ordinarily my emotional bandwidth is wider But tonight I need an apple cider Tonight I wonder is it so far-fetched to not hate And to not make people feel like an outsider Maithili

 Still gain ground Imagine waking up a fine morning But your window still shows night You have breakfast and get ready for work But still no trace of a single speck of light   As if the sun forgot to show up When you expected to have a bright day Every other commitment retains its schedule Just not a sole sign of ray   Those bubbles of anxiety in my chest multiply When I expect a little more Got mad at you and locked my room Still haven’t heard a single knock on the door   You know I expect you like sun Every day you brighten me How did you manage to not show up When you knew darkness would frighten me   But I’m learning that I’m my own solace I’m embracing being wise Streetlight operation I’ve just been taught Because I know the sun won’t always rise   My headphones, my only dependable best friends And my music: a best friend’s rant If my body is a not-for-profit cooperation Then dance is my biggest gra...

 Raised very well Meandering through hell, Ma, how did you raise me so well? How did you nurture my confidence When you had been so tense You drove me to my hobbies daily While you were being driven crazy When you unflinchingly step out of your line You know you send chills down their spine? For every mother and wife who turns a blind eye You set an example unbelievably high Ma, how did I become this woman Clear headed within the commotion How did you pay me all this attention When you never got a mention How did you manage to send me so far Ma, when they contained you behind bars How did your impulsiveness twirl Into patient thought inside your girl? Your potential inspired my heart And that's how I'm creating art You teach me love and I'm still learning You ignited a spark and it's still burning People made you think you were an unworthy mess But you should know that I never settle for less And with a glance people can tell That I was raised very well They appreciate ...

 Will I be loud? image by @ rare_rascal I am mostly an extrovert Isolated in my mind Customer service is my thing But friends are hard to find I write on the walls And untether relationships I flow with water But I am alone on the ship I can read the room But never my own mind I perplex myself And drown in time I ask for what I want I am terrified of hearing “No” What if all love bestowed on me Was a mere pretention show I have faith I am special But what if that’s a lie Everyone says I’m a leader But sometimes I’m shy I dance in the rain I’m anxious and charismatic I’m brimming with bravado But I’m also scared of it My potential’s a fact But success just a vision Sometimes it’s all about Taking that decision Will I make it through Will my parents be proud Will I cry away Or will I be loud? -Maithili      

Like you accept me I know I test your limits and exasperate But you still want to take me out on a movie date I don’t know if people can relate. But I’m glad you come around, when I’m not thinking sound   I sometimes jump on you like an animal But you still think that I’m silly, but adorable Your love is just so palpable I act like I make all the laws, you still kiss me on my flaws   A petulant verbose diva, who won’t admit to mistakes, make a fuss out of a snowflake And then you start counting, all the brilliant things I am, you say you’ll always be my fan   You’re kind to all my unreasonable insecurities and I can’t wrap my head around this discrepancy That you pick at the little things that go wrong with you, when there was nothing really anything you could do Your eyesight has been weak lately, that’s why you can’t see That you should accept yourself, like you accept me   All your business ideas are immaculate You show up eve...

  Healing through a glass pane Have you ever seen a glass pane? Have you seen it with pain? Swathe yourself in its admiration Dig until it offers a revelation   It presents an amalgamation of visions It offers choices with precision   You can either look through it Get going, make your morning coffee and brew it You can pay attention to what’s waiting on the other side You’re hurting already and this one is painful to decide   Or you can focus on your own dull reflection Read aloud your story’s most excruciating section Scan everything that surrounds Find things that shake you, make you lose your ground   Don’t haste the pick for there is a third option You’re both the bidder and the seller at this auction You can choose to merely look at the glass Stay in the emotion, inhale it until it is ready to pass   Neither hustling to be whole Nor regressing against the goal Just feel the pain to heal the pain Have y...

 Let's Trade Let’s trade, you give me the liberty to be the shimmering sparkle that I am I’ll pay you with my parents’ sweat and blood earned wealth You make sure no one dares to tell me what I cannot and what I can I’ll pay you with my ruined mental health You let me wear what I want without judgements I’ll pay you with sleep deprivation You fill my life with rewards for the time spent I’ll pay you with chronic isolation Let’s trade -Maithili    

 Are you hiring? I talk to a few people and improvise my resume Walk to the college IT room, hit print 15 and pray Gather a few friends for another job seeking spree Subway is hiring if you work the first three weeks for free A knave suggested to me that Canada was a sea of opportunities My throat is dry of requests and I'm weak in my knees The manager said they just stopped hiring in the mall Another day has passed without receiving a call Answering Dad's texts is getting mentally tiring Another day of asking in every store, "Are you hiring?" -Maithili

 A Woman image by: @purisalvi A woman is innately resilient She makes a castle out of every pebble thrown her way A superhero with forgotten powers Conqueror of the galaxy if reminded of her sway   She preserves immaculate arguments inside her head Carves her own path in the mountains Her agony is a recking ball dashing through the streets Wiping out anyone harbouring a proud sin   The world sends her signals when it’s time to stop Her charisma is choosing peace over petty battles It is not her style To prove herself to people who do not matter   A woman can slice potatoes and egos whenever needed Her body creates life out of flesh She can choose herself over the society’s norm Divorce people and beliefs and start afresh   She is a statue of emotions And that only makes her a warrior She can read more than just words The weight of her gut is beyond bear   The world sends her signals when it’s time to stop ...

Before she was crowned  picture from: @art.snowdrop Not who begged for autographs or who memorized her books When she started sweating gold Not what is paying a hundred grand to have a single look When billion copies have been sold   A mile long que of snobs doesn’t weigh heavy against one Who bore the flag of faith What matters is who brought her water while she grinded under the sun Then, when she was mere wraith   Them, who heard her in the clamour of the streets where deafness prevailed Are now the apple of her eye B’cause they bet on her prowess and never bailed Never vacillate, never lie   Hadn’t climbed the ladder of eminence; when she wasn’t on the screen Who’s he who validated her sound What matters is who stood by the queen Before she was crowned   Who held her hand despite that it could be conspicuously seen That those imbeciles frowned What matters is who stood by the queen Before she was crowned  ...

 The girl with the headphones picture from: @craniodsgn She keeps those mesmerizing thoughts handy She holds her free spirit close to her heart Unfathomable and often misunderstood She is that intricate piece of art   She puts those thoughts on, like headphones And forthwith she’s in a wonderland Exuberant and euphoric She sees you can’t understand   For a second, step away from judgement Don’t throw comments obliviously She might not fit into your ‘normal’ But don’t question her sanity   There’s a bigger picture than eyes can see There are more perspectives than you can take That seemingly fragile girl Carries the kind of grit you can’t shake   She was born to heal the wounded Little do you know she can calm the hurricane She puts on her headphones And brings life to tasks previously mundane   What is being sane after all? Hiding who you are to not be labelled ‘too much’? Or is it sane to express your j...

 Now that I rule every heart on this earth picture from: @earldavies I'm not jealous, I'm sorry that all the fake things enticed you Profundity so unattainable that the lame jokes sufficed Your desperation for popularity is just teenage hormones, I don't blame you But you treated a good friend like invisible, it's a shame Made eye-contact with all others in the room, I saw you It's not my fault if your chose pretentious over raw You let me down for other people for you believed I wasn't worth you Don't come back; now that I rule every heart on this earth You invited our friend but forgot to call me, didn't you? Pretended I didn't mind but I was thunderstruck by that jilt It's like your snobbish smug attitude had consumed you Guess it was time my value in your life had to be impugned Now your friends tell me, "He is so beneath you" You've been humiliated enough so I keep my death stare inside a sheath My insecurities about losing thi...

 Correct me if I'm wrong picture from: @sevdadeniz_caricatures Last night you cried before you went to bed But your parents are unaware of a single tear you shed You thought Canada is what you need but now you're not sure if you belong Correct me if I'm wrong, Correct me if I'm wrong You thought you'd find your tribe among the lighter skin shade But cultural shock is massive and you're trying hard not to self degrade You're wondering if your life changing decision was entirely wrong Correct me if I'm wrong, Correct me if I'm wrong You're working day and night to be rich despite enormous stress Yet making even ends meet feels like an endless process You can't afford the flight back home and so the wait is going to prolong Correct me if I'm wrong, Correct me if I'm wrong Numerous little wins but no one to pat on your back No one to say, "You've done enough for today, cut yourself some slack" Some days you feel too weak to ...

 Stake over self picture from: @debbieclark_art I tended to romanticize my life a lot All my faith was vested in the world, its people, its places, and its ways I wanted to change the system and rise to power in days Hoping I would roll people’s lives around like some dice I would snap my fingers, and everyone would heed my advice But who are we kidding Neither can I skip the snowstorms of the West Nor does the earth rotate at my behest But I do have control on what music I listen to when I walk in the storm And whether or not I adhere to the norm I can choose to forgive myself for the unintentional mistakes made I can decide which problem to tackle and what to evade If I want, I can make the best out of my week I can choose to stay hopeful and respond with love when everything around is bleak I still tend to romanticize my life a lot I’m bruised by the jostles of callous people, desolate places, and painful episodes I’m wrought by the choice of not ...

 What you are to me picture from: @vectorisima I know time for infidelity It slips in a blink while feigning infinity So, I won’t waste another day Pretending you’re a daily chore You’re a butterfly’s cocoon My chilly winter’s noon On my horrendous meltdown midnight You’re my 3a.m. knock on the door My running shoes, cutest pair of sock When I plan on going on a long walk To my frazzle seasick eyes You’re the sight of the shore When people so cold cause a snowstorm You’re the cosy sweater that keeps me warm You’re the marvelous pieces put together From all those pages I tore Time washes by quick You might be gone in a click And when the minute hand ceases waiting for us Know that you were loved from the depth of my core -Maithili

 I'm here and you're not I feel a lot of feelings mum And I don’t know how to not They treat me in a hundred ways mum Am I special or am I not   I want to conquer the whole world mum But I’m compelled to be who I am not I’m experiencing the brunt of loneliness mum Because I’m here and you’re not   I’m precocious but I’m a baby mum Somedays gritty other days not I’m unconditionally loved as your daughter mum But here I must prove what I cannot   I sometimes blurt glib comments mum And freeze mute when I should not I sometimes cry when I miss you mum Because I’m here and you’re not -Maithili  

 My story My dorm smells like dirty socks While silence pierces through my ear My heart trembles with anxiety Only my diary is dear My family suddenly flashes before my eyes When I'm swimming from deep to shallow Breaking up with my sweetheart boyfriend  Is the price I pay to not be callow Flew so far away, so brave Where did I gather this courage Also why and who am I and what am I doing I only have questions at this stage So I pick up my pen Maybe there is magic in writing Keep scratching my thoughts on paper Till this meaningless quest sounds enlightening Dark or insensible or profound or glowing This poem is nobody's business but mine Maybe the verses don't flow together to you But to me I am writing my story just fine -Maithili

 Pink Bands I pretended I'll always have a chance and It's just 2 months to the edge of this romance and We haven't started preparing our first dance and All places left to see with no time to take a glance and Now I just wanna lay in your bed holding hands Appear like we have it all together when we hold up our chin and I'm losing you and I'm losing it, but they think it's a win and The thought of not having you around sends me into a tailspin and Burdening bracelets over my arm that there is no space for my skin but Promise me, no matter what, we won't take off our pink bands -Maithili

  Miss decisive picture from: @pazel_global Miss decisive, Miss complete clarity, uff, I needed a break Letting myself make bad decisions is the best decision I’ll make   Sabotaging my relationships with people who love me most Crying all day and spending my night raising a toast I hate nightclubs here, but drinking is in trend Getting the digits off that Spanish guy to only be a friend Expecting the world from people who never cared Not taking my stand where I should’ve ’cause I’m scared Being beset by the drama I could’ve easily avoided Sulking because of something stupid a random boy did Sleeping close in this best friend’s bed tonight Sharing everything on my skin while concealing my internal fight I haven’t processed anything since my life switched gears I’m choking on my tainted self-esteem and overpowering fears I’ll be left alone because I confuse people But when you have no one, you can’t lose people This year, I’ll be shamelessly reckless and this year I won’t ...

 The mess that I made picture from: @omario2d I was afraid to say That I was slipping away Till I couldn't force myself back anymore And so I cut all ties Almost like I burnt him alive Now I'm hollow b'cause guilt ate up my core Just like my favourite song That I've been singing along But got so sick of it that I can't anymore Swore I'd protect his heart Said 'till death do us part' But stabbed and twisted where he was already sore But if the sun deserves to shine, if my intentions weren't malign Take all the pain from his heart and pour it in mine This is my prayer for him, bring love and hope to the betrayed Don't punish me by punishing him for the mess that I made It killed me everytime I lied And now I'm dead inside Can't carry the weight of love anymore I hope he takes it slow Beg him to let me go For he deserve better than an attention seeking whore The love of his life Wish I could be his wife But I can't even be myself anymore...

 Manic Depression Hey, my name is bipolar disorder But you can call me manic depression You're not aware of my existence yet But I'm here to leave an indelible impression I was given to you by your father And have been dormant within your genetic design Now I'm awakened by that traumatic incident After being asleep in you for 25 years of time Now that person is hurting you And you're slipping into the dark I'm whispering some hopelessness and insomnia And forthwith, on a depressive episode you embark I murmur anger and hostility in your head Until your brain is in my control I provoke some uncontrollable crying In an attempt to destroy your fragile soul Messages of fatigue and worthlessness  Injected in you but just before you explode I give you extraordinary euphoria and energy And it marks the commencement of your manic episode Your train of thought becomes so swift You're unable to match pace Your skyrocketing delusional self-worth  Feeling like you're an...